my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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