i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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