I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
