I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
