I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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