My nipple is on Facebook.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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