does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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