I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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