How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
