It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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