I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
