I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
