ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
