i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
