why do cheetos always look like penises
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
