Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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