I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
