a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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