I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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