If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
