Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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