Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
How's work?
Spinning.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
