R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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