I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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