Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
