I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
