Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The struggles of a small town man whore
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
