I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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