Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
