A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
