one might say we're banned from that church
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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