My friends, they love my intelligence
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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