i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
