i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
