Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
