I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i dont even know how to be here
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
