I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
