i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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