I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
