They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
