haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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