Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
this is an emotional support booty call
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
