I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
