During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
