My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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