you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
