Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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