she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
