batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
farters have to be the big spoon...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
