everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
