The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
