We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
