I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
