i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
