I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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