All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
