I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
